It's been a chaotic year-and-a-bit for me. Since my first post, I have struggled with work, moving, and just getting on with my life. But that's okay - it is what it is (one of my favourite sayings and one I use). I just keep on going.
I was fired (without cause) last July. Normally, firings are being met with anger, self-beratement and fear. Not in my case. I was very thankful and relieved to having been fired. Insurance was (and still is) an industry I've always hated, worked in a company that did not offer any empowerment whatsoever and dealt with miserable sonsofbitches. It was truly a toxic environment. I put a lot of effort into making sure that it didn't affect me; however, when you're immersed in a bad situation for a long time (in my case, just over 11 years), you can only take so much before you get tired and give up (the good news though is that my self-esteem didn't crumble). It took a ton of effort to wake up in the morning. It took a ton of work not to lose my shit in front of the sourpusses, the bitchers and the downers. My friends were just as angry as I was at the situation. They begged me to quit for the sake of my sanity. I said, "No. I am not going to take the easy way out - they will have to fire me to get rid of me."
...and that they did.
As I made my way home I sent texts to my friends telling them I was finally fired. Everyone responded with an, "I'm sorry to hear!" or "Are you okay?" or "What are you going to do now?"
My responses for the above were (respectively), "Don't be! Best day ever! LOL", "Of course I'm okay! That place sucked ass.", and, "I'm changing careers."
Aside: About 6 years ago I had decided that insurance wasn't for me anymore, and had decided to return to nursing. I began the process (with favourable results, eg. high grades), however it got put on hold the following year as I abruptly ended my marriage (more on that in a future post). I had been meaning to getting back to nursing, however, the way the circumstances were, it wasn't exactly feasible...until the firing happened.
I took that as a sign and a blessing - very rarely are we given a second chance in life. Even more rare is a third chance. In talking with my boyfriend (with whom I've been living with since last June), I expressed my interest and desire to return to healthcare. I told him how it all began, to which he replied, "Go for it. You certainly have a stronger interest in this than insurance. We'll work out the details."
School has been going really well - I've survived the last 2 semesters. Today is the start of my third. I still have another three more semesters to go. Despite enjoying and kicking ass with my courses, there is a small part of me that's a little scared. It's a combination of being unsure of myself (although I'm happy to report that feeling isn't in the least debilitating) plus having to doing something I haven't done in a very long time (and learning new skills - things have changed in the face of nursing over the last 20 years). I recognize, acknowledge and allow myself to feel the feelings of the moment (briefly) and then get going.
It's a liberating and exciting time. I know nursing will have its own set of challenges I'll have to muddle through, but that's okay! I'm looking forward to it. I think that insurance was a means to help better prepare myself (emotionally, psychologically and professionally) to better deal with the not-so-pretty side of nursing. I've come out of war with some battle scars; it didn't kill me, it just made me stronger (and wiser).